


Heavy In Your Arms

by Wuthering_Shadows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Confession, DeanCas - Freeform, Deancas angst, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Happy Dean, M/M, Mentions of Death, Soft Cas, Soft Deancas, This Ones for the Gays, Vulnerable Dean, dean's not emotionally repressed??, dean's trauma, deancas fluff, deanxCas - Freeform, emotional gay, implied smut but nothing graphic, kinda domestic if you think about it, mentions of past trauma, pretend finale never happened, this is nonsense don't judge me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wuthering_Shadows/pseuds/Wuthering_Shadows
Summary: Two people pining after each other. One emotionally draining experience. A moment of vulnerability and opening up. What could go wrong?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Heavy In Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so!! This was originally supposed to be a bi!dean coming out kinda angsty-fluffy fic but then I also wanted to do something dramatic and address how dean's past affects him so I wrote this. I'll write that some other time. Sorry it's a bit short as my writers block is hitting,, Hope you guys will like it and if there's any errors please excuse them because English isn't my first language.

_It was supposed to be a simple hunt, a djinn, shouldn't have taken more than a day to finish it up. A silver knife dipped in lambs blood, that's it, done.Not this, not his worst nightmares coming back to haunt him and another one he would never forget._

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When Cas zapped into the bunker there wasn't much to do. The Winchester's weren't there. Dean had informed him they were out on a hunt and that they'd be returning by that day so he thought of coming to check up on them but it seemed he had come early.

It was funny, how even after living for so many years something as simple as Dean's voice could make his heart flutter. Dean was like that in some ways, having Cas react in ways he never thought he would. He wasn't aware that every smile he gave his way, every off handed joke or compliment towards made an unusual heat rush to his cheeks, making him feel as if he'd melt into a puddle. It was truly a wonder how he made him feel.

Just as he was staring at the photo of Dean kept on the table with a small smile he heard a shuffle, the sound of the bunker door opening and just as quickly closing with a loud slam. He turned around to see Dean and Sam entering, they both looked tired, but there was something wrong with Dean.

Usually when Dean returned from a hunt, no matter how rough it had been, he'd always be content, happy to be back and rest after such a draining job. But this time, Cas saw Dean like he'd never seen him before. He wasn't just angry, no, his face surely held a rage, but it also looked? Empty? Displaying an emotion he couldn't quite put his finger on. 

"Hello Dean, Sam. Did the hunt go well?"

It was as if Dean was in a trance, his eyes snapping towards Cas and diverting away just as fast. Sam nodded in his direction and murmured a quiet hello but Dean showed no sign of having heard him, instead choosing to storm in and go to his room. Cas' eyes followed him as he went, a worried frown setting on his face as he looked back at Sam, hoping for an explaination.

Sam only huffed, sitting down with his forehead in his hands,

"Don't ask Cas. It turned out way too smart than we thought, took Dean for a good whole day before I found him. You know how djinn can mess with people's minds, He's been like that since. I asked him what he saw but he doesn't want to talk about it."

"I understand, you should rest, both of you are very tired."

"Yeah, thanks"

Turning around, Cas sighed, deciding to talk to Dean about whatever was bothering him instead of letting him bottle everything up like he always did.

"Dean, may I come in"

"Is it something that can't wait Cas?", Cas could hear the tiredness in his voice,

"Yes it is"

"Then yes come in"

Cas slowly opened the door, only to be met by the sight of dean sitting on his bed, his face in his hands and shoulders slumped. He sat beside him, looking at him to see if there were any major injuries. It gave him a little comfort to know that there weren't. The two sat in comfortable silence before Dean mumbled in a quiet voice,

"What is it?"

"Sam told me what happened."

"Of course he did, he can't keep his mouth shut for once even though I asked him not to."

"Dean. Do not joke about it please, I can see you're not okay, what happened, what did you see"

Dean finally looked up, his eyes meeting Cas, and it was only then that Cas realised how vulnerable he looked. His face held a frown, eyes glossy with unshed tears and even though he was clearly trying to appear okay, his expression similar to that of an injured animal. His eyes were empty, looking like he had seen something so horrible that he couldn't recover. 

"I don't want to talk about it. Please Cas, let's leave it at that"

"I'm sorry but I cannot do that. You cannot do this to yourself, you have to let it out if you want to be fine, please, for my sake, tell me if you trust me, I will understand, I promise."

It seemed that his words caused something to snap in Dean, his mask of nonchalance slipping, the tears finally flowing as he once more slumped, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs he didn't dare to fully let go, 

"I trust you- God I trust you more than myself. _It was horrible, Cas,_ horrible. I saw them I- I saw everyone, I saw mom, I saw that night, the day she burned, I saw dad, I saw everyone who has ever died because of me. I- It showed me hell, I- I saw Alastair, it was as if I was there once again, I could feel everything, I could feel him- I could feel him carving into my skin again and again, it felt so real it was horrible, it brought back things I thought I had buried deep beneath I- I broke, I couldn't fight it, If Sam hadn't saved me I- I don't know how I could have gotten out, I felt so weak-"

Cas felt tears rise up in his eyes too, not able to see the one he loved go through all that, he quickly wrapped his arms around Dean, his head tucked under his chin as he could feel his tears wet his trenchcoat, he just held him, shushing him calmly,

"You are not weak Dean, far from it, you are the strongest person I know, it's not your fault, none of it is, you didn't deserve that, but you're here now and you're okay, nothing happened, you're okay, you've emerged from it stronger"

Dean's sobs seemed to stop for a second as he looked up, his eyes were unfocused, he seemed scared as he gripped Cas tighter, fixing him with a gaze as if he was afraid Cas would disappear any moment, it was after what seemed like a long moment before Dean spoke again, his voice shaky and low,

"That wasn't the worst part. _I saw you_ ", Dean said as he took Cas's face in his hands, his thumbs stroking his cheeks lightly as Cas's eyes widened and a blush rose up his cheeks,

"What- what do you mean?"

"I saw you", Dean gulped, as if preparing himself to say something he did not want to, "I- I saw you and you- _you were dead_. I- I couldn't save you, you were right there, Lucifer he- he killed you and I couldn't do anything but watch. I saw you die, Cas even before I told you how I felt I- I didn't know how I could live with myself if that ever happened, I can't lose you, I've lost everyone I cared about- I can't lose you too, I was so scared I was-"

His words, which came out broken due to all the crying, were interrupted as Cas leaned forward to press his lips against his. Dean froze, not knowing what to do, his eyes widened and for a while before he could think straight as he slowly relaxed into the kiss, grabbing Cas more tightly, reassuring himself that he was there, his angel was there, he didn't leave him. Cas seemed to sense his thoughts as he slowly ran his fingers through Dean's hair, pulling him closer and using his grace to calm him down. 

They both pulled away after a while, foreheads resting against each other's, Dean didn't dare open his eyes, afraid that this will all turn out to be a dream, that the kiss was just to calm him down, afraid that he had just ruined his friendship with Cas or even worse, he was still in that world where Cas was no longer there. His trail of thoughts was soon cut short.

"I love you", Cas had whispered, Dean's eyes snapped open, he looked up to see Cas's blue eyes staring back at him, a smile on his angelic face as he looked at him like he was the most beautiful person in the world.

"I- I love you too, you're not mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad if someone I loved told me they care about me too?"

Dean still couldn't believe what he was hearing, all these years and Cas had felt the same, without caring about anything else he grabbed the back of Cas's neck and pulled him in for a kiss again, pulling him on top of himself.

It was Cas's turn to be shocked, from which he recovered quite quickly as he kissed Dean back.

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Needless to say, it was a long while before the two emerged from their rooms, hair disheveled and eyes droopy from tiredness. 

Sam was looking through his laptop and eating a salad as he spared barely one glance towards the both of them, saying in a louder voice than needed,

"I was just coming to see if you were okay but it looks like you're already doing way better. It's about damn time I thought I was going to puke everytime I saw you both stare at each other like that"

"Shut up Sammy", was all the response he got from a grumpy Dean.


End file.
